Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
