I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
