im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
