I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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