i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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