I skipped work to stalk him.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
