Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
