This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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