I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
