my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
