forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
