it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
