he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
