Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
