If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
