u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
