Apparently you make a good broom.
You can't motorboat a personality
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
