Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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