She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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