Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
