i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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