So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
