Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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