Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
