Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
