I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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