apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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