I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
