OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
