It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
