Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
