Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
