i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
