remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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