I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
