you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
