he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
