Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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