Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
