Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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