I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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