the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
