sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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