She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
