You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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