Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
