I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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