Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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