What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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