alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
