dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
