you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
