You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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