What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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