I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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