$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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