I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
