drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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