you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
