It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
